I.Left.Everything : What's Next

I’m not a practical person. I. Left. Everything. I left the career I have built for more than 5 years. I left my friends behind. I left my pets, my two dogs which I love so much. I left the boy-of-a-man, together with the hope of having a “family” in Kuala Lumpur. I do not center my life on having a career, or making money per se…you see I’m not a practical person.... so as soon as I did all my remaining responsibilities- I. Left. Everything.

I did my best. I loved him. I thought I could guide him all the way. But, the more I gave myself to him, the more I lost my self; the more I tried to guide him, the more I lost track of my own path.

I’m now free…and it feels...so…good.

So what went wrong?

I didn't believe in myself. I compromised my integrity. I gave too much for the idea of “love”, and in turn the person lost all respect for me.

So what’s next?

I still struggle with my temper and my anger towards the person. After everything is settled, I do not ever what to hear from him again. I do not understand how he can tell me that life is short and he still wants to be friends even if we are not together…I felt like telling him ,that life is indeed short so I no longer want to spend a single second of my life in any relation to him. I can only forgive and forget once he is totally – totally - out of my life. Why do I ever want to be connected with anyone who looks down on me with outright disrespect? Who thinks that my idealistic ways are insane? That my art is something of no value?  Who cheated on me..all that I'am as a woman. I tried to meet him halfway... but to be frank now (and I'm stating this with a whole lot of bitterness), his two by two of a brain will never be able to handle who I ‘am…he will never understand because he doesn't have the capacity to.  This is harsh, but this the truth.

I will not surrender myself anymore to any man…or to any expectation held by the society…not even to the expectations of my own.

Although it is ideal to settle down and to have a family, I have a responsibility to be the best that I can be, and to use my capacity to serve….and to make this world a little bit better.

The key now here is control, discipline, focus, and faith.

I start by serving my own family.